Although it may not seem like it, being in & leaving the seminary was similar to being in a relationship. It never ceased to surprise me until I went through the process myself. Some friends had completely left the faith, others dropped off the face of the earth. Mine wasn't quite so dramatic in that particular way, although I had to overcome a good-sized self-esteem issue. One of the smaller manifestations was that I grew to hate the Liturgy of the Hours during my final year. We prayed morning & evening prayer in community and all the other stress around academics and my impending departure (signs were there before I realized it) make me into, well, a cantankerous old man. They're praying too slow... this part is too fast... I hate how we always speed up this section of the Salve Regina and how the rest drags... can't we get out of here already?... and so on and so on.
(I always end up running out of ideas when I get to #7 so I'm stretching this one out) I don't blame the seminary or the Liturgy of the Hours for anything--don't get me wrong. It was a small microcosm of the difficulties I was going through. My spiritual director comforted me with a story of St. Teresa of Avila, who one time got so tired of the Liturgy of the Hours that she threw her breviary out the window. From that point in 2006 until the past month or so, that bitter taste was in my mouth every time I thought of morning prayer or evening prayer.
I've found praying the Liturgy of the Hours to be very comforting over the past month. I don't have any proof, but I'm crediting it to the intercession of my late spiritual director, Fr. Jerome. I've prayed at work, even, which has helped my stress level. It's like rediscovering an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. I'm thankful to be healed from the issues I had with it (which again, had everything to do with me).
The Sunday Gospel readings during Lent are pretty amazing. I have a draft of a post about it, hopefully I'll get it finished and put up. But in every week, we learn more and more about Who Jesus IS. I remember going through all these gospels in a seminary class years ago, but I can't remember the last time a series of readings garnered such an impact on me. I almost wish I was going through RCIA...
During Lent I struggle with my ingrained inclination toward laziness. I'm never quite sure if I should go all John the Baptist during Lent (to really try to combat that weakness) or if taking on small things is more prudent ("it's a marathon, not a sprint" idea). The things my wife and I are doing have been good and I hope they continue for the rest of the year--and they're of the smaller variety. Just curious, has anyone reading ever swung for the fences, so to speak?
My reading of the Gospel of Matthew has been wonderful, in large part because of the commentary I've been using. It's like having a scripture class, a Bible study, or someone to walk you through all the minutiae that you never knew about.
Infertility is a nasty thing to go through, I'd ask your prayers for my wife and I... and for any couple bearing this cross.
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I have been praying the morning prayer from the liturgy of the hours since I retired. Well, at least most days. I have been struck by the themes of the psalms and canticles. They are as timely today as they were when they were written. I never would have been able to appreciate their message while I had so much going on in my life before retirement. I feel that may be somewhat true for you as well. I treasure using the same book you used at the sem. Be assured of my prayers for you and Erin each morning.
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