For starters, insert the appropriate "it's been how long since I wrote something on my blog???" comment. Today I read through a paper/article/reflection that I wrote a while ago. I could recognize my own writing, naturally, but it sounded a little different. I pinpointed a word or two and found what bothered me: my reflection was nice but naive. It was peppy and light-hearted... one of my supervisors at work called me bubbly the other day, and I couldn't believe it; that's not how I would describe myself. Still, it was there in that reflection. If I wrote that reflection today, it seems like it would be completely different. I don't see the world with the same eyes. Maybe I'm still "bubbly" (???) but I'm not so naive.
I see with different eyes now because I've experienced so much more of life. The wisdom of living more years, suffering more, having more joys, and having a mortgage. When I was looking ahead to marriage, I didn't have any idea about those things. Suffering? Well yeah, of course, suffering is a given in every state of life. But wouldn't marriage be the wonderful, blessed relationship that I ached for in the seminary? Yes and yes. But we've experienced our share of suffering, too; things that took us by surprise. Marriage also involves dying to yourself--which sucks. A definite necessity but difficult.
I also never felt the burden of a mortgage and not making a large salary. I can now understand my parents' anxieties a little better. A change (or loss) of either my job or my wife's job would result in us tightening our belts. We've had "just in case" conversations about that, and it's startling to think about canceling cable (however superficial that is) or, in the worst case, selling the house.
Different eyes, indeed.